Healing…

image.jpegI am overjoyed and honored that you have landed here, to read this.  My wife, Keren is a superhero….real life super hero.  What she has done, physically; emotionally; mentally; and spiritually the past two years is the kind of things they make movies about…a couple months ago a dear friend and mentor of Keren’s asked her to share her perspective on healing- Keren started writing and what you’re about to read is life changing.  My wife never seeks any platform but has a powerful voice and influence that is beyond measure.  Enjoy….

A friend asked me to share part of our journey in about 1,000 words. I’ve been trying to cut out pieces but felt I had to leave it as is for now, about 6,749 words. Feedback welcomed. I’m so thankful she asked because I probably wouldn’t have a starting place to add all the other stories, miracles through and in this journey.
If it can give a glimmer of hope, encouragement to one person, that is the reason for sharing.
Be blessed! #wpk #warriorprincesskiara #grindrod5 #Godisgood #grateful #blessed #slayyourGiant

Healing…before I can talk about healing, I have to describe the wound, and before describing the wound- a little background is important…everything connects- God is good at making masterpieces from messes.

“I’m pregnant?” I asked myself this question every time I saw that little pink plus sign. None of our pregnancies were planned…from thinking I wouldn’t have kids to now being a mom of 3 seems like a miracle!
Our kids are more than I ever dreamed possible. Jameson, was the cutest baby from birth… He is the smartest boy, 12 but really an old soul of about 40. Kylie our youngest, I can see her on billboards and on tv. She has the wits and strength of a lion and she is only 5! She held her head up and did a cobra (yoga talk) first day we brought her home from the hospital.
Kiara…when she was born she saved our marriage. It was crumbling to pieces. I could see myself being a single mom of one but now two!? I knew not to be stressed, my mom’s words resounded “everything you do will be transferred to your child; whether it’s how u eat, or how u react or feel”. I definitely wanted a healthy baby if I could control it. I’m forever grateful how the importance of praying for our kids including future spouses was passed down. So I did. Whether it’s my choosing or not, everything in me and around me is My responsibility (Responsibility is one of my strength finder top 5 strengths so this is natural), especially our family. Our kids mean the world to us and we would do just about anything for them. With this kind of thinking I made the mistake of putting them above my marriage in the beginning, that’s something I struggled to understand but after doing it our way and having no success. we decided to follow God’s order; God first, marriage second and then our children.

It felt like I was praying every second throughout all our pregnancies. These prayers, honestly were motivated by fear- my thinking about prayer was broken- almost as if I could keep praying for what I wanted and God would succumb to my request by the sheer volume of my prayers…While my understanding about prayer has changed (more on this later) I can say the volume of prayers for our kids has increased.

Fast forward 6 years- Kiara had become one of the most athletic and gifted children we knew. Definitely a dad trait. Her drawings, paintings & stories should be in a gallery, some of them are framed and still hanging in our house. One of her nick names was “rapunzel” due to her beautiful gold shiny hair that had never been cut. It had gotten to the point where we would have to pull it up front so it wouldn’t touch the toilet when she went potty. If felt as if God had indeed “listened” to my every request in prayer about our daughter…then things started changing….
It started, in retrospect innocently enough, a couple of night mares about black bears and panthers and getting hurt. Then, Kiara had an incredible dream that turned out to be so prophetic for what was about to come. She dreamed about being in a time machine in Jerusalem as one of Jesus disciples. Jesus was preaching to thousands of people, she fell into a body of water, she couldn’t swim but Jesus pulled her out of the water. She thought it was a dream but he told her no, it is real life.

Her nightmares were intense and they concerned us, so we called one of our pastors seeking wisdom. He recommended playing scriptures and worship music at night- just like that they completely stopped. I had also received some calls from my parents, they too were experiencing nightmares of Kiara being kidnapped and seeing her face on newspapers and news. I was annoyed at first, if you know me, I am one of the most protective mothers on the planet (responsibility trait)! We don’t allow our kids to just go off by themselves to the park or even in a grocery store. Even though I was annoyed- something in my spirit couldn’t ignore it. The “mom radar” increased; my prayer time with and for the kids reached another level. There was not a single night, nor time when something wasn’t feeling right that I was not praying in the spirit. If I was thinking, I was praying. Our kids would ask why I prayed like that and they mimicked. I had gone to a couple of women retreats where they taught about the power of praying in the spirit. In one of the sessions they had us partner up with another lady and just start praying in tongues over each other, their husbands, their kids and then turn it around and pray over our own. Not just so we could hear each other but as Loud as our voices could go with power and authority. I hesitated for a second then went full force. I felt like the time in the bible when Jesus told them “you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me (Acts 1:7-8). There was a shift. Heaven had heard it. Lighting bolts and thunders rose from earth and to heaven back and forth. I felt it. Before that my worship time with the Lord had reached a deeper lever it was and is amazing! In church but especially in my personal time with him. When Jeremiah was at his temporary job I would spend hours worshipping on my knees sobbing in his tender presence like a little baby. I knew something was coming….I could feel it. I had been praying for our family to be used by God for His kingdom in a mighty way. For our kids to be used NOW in their young years. I was also praying “God change MY testimony” I knew he wanted us to help other marriages, but ours had been so messy! By His Grace and compassion for restoration He continues to heal our marriage and we continue to fight to make it even better, we have a story to tell. I knew God was opening an even bigger door for ministry and carry on the legacy he started with my parents.

This Hillsong worship song “Oceans”:
“Your grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, I will call Upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves, my soul will rest in your embrace You’ve never failed me and it won’t start now, spirit lead where my trust Is without borders, let me walk upon the waters WHEREVER you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made Stronger in the presence of my Savior”
Those are some of the words I sang, I felt Ready for whatever was coming. Our kids were also part of that worship, and when all was done with chores and school our only tv time was watching Joyce Meyer, Steven Furtick on video podcasts, Kris Valloton, Bill Johnson, Jimmy Evans or Pastor Robert Morris. Kiara imitated Joyce Meyer with a laundry basket pulpit- she called it the “joyer smith show”. We felt a strong pull to minister and we had just said yes to be a part of a new church plant and it was a dream come true. We had already been a part of the baby stages of another church we are still a part of today. I had asked my leader there for her blessing to do this, I think she thought we were crazy.
Our life was busy, full of ballet, taekwondo, soccer, morning bootcamps, outreach commitments.

Maybe the busyness masked the beginning or maybe it really began innocently enough, that we didn’t catch it. Kiara was complaining of some minor headaches, we would pray over her and make sure she was hydrated (Arizona heat is no joke) and she always rebounded and recovered. She had just had her annual checkup and immunizations. At the dentist they had found a deep cavity in a molar, surely that was the cause of the headaches we thought. Then a couple of weekends before Halloween she awoke in the middle of the night with a headache so intense she was screaming and puking. By this time I had noticed her right eye turning in ever so slightly, Jeremiah couldn’t see it, our self diagnosis wheels were turning non-stop. Kiara was so full of energy- last to bed first one wide awake- and now lethargic and tired all the time. With the intense headaches- something had to be done immediately. With our first we ended up in the emergency room for every bump, bruise, and illness, so I knew the most likely treatment: children’s tylenol and schedule a follow up Dr. Appt. Responsibility again kicked in, so I filled out an “in-quicker” appointment to the emergency room, gave them all info and requested a cat scan (I had discernment this needed to happen). Inquicker allowed them to be seen at an exact time with less paperwork, instead of suffering in the waiting room. Kiara requested her Dad to accompany her- while I stayed with our other two. They ran some tests, she took a full IV and the decision was made not to proceed with a cat scan. Ironically enough they were concerned about excess radiation exposure in kids. They even reassured us the percentages of a tumor were less than one percent. I was frustrated because we needed reassurance and confirmation, but at the same time it was a relief. She felt and looked better.
Our diet is not normal, it was and still is on the strict side. Our girls love anything with lemon and salt; cucumbers, kale, spinach, broccoli, apples. You couldn’t find junk food in our house unless it was given to us or we were hosting a party for some sort. Jeremiah and I continued the dialogue of what the next step was- Something was still off, slight improvement but we knew it wasn’t solved…did we find a pediatric migraine specialist, change her diet even stricter? We were looking for answers and advice anywhere and everywhere.

Halloween came, and some dear friends were in town visiting. They wanted to take their children trick or treating- so because of their desire we joined our church friends at a get together last minute. During this time we briefly were introduced to Wes Little- a man who in a small act of obedience made a connection that would help save Kiara’s life. This introduction was brief- honestly we barely remember it…but it was God sent. God appointed.
As we were walking the neighborhood in search of candy loot (that we were planning on throwing out) Kiara started to wobble when she walked. She could not keep her balance- she told us her legs were asleep. Were her shoes too tight? Was it the hour long drive? We carried her during trick o treating, it was late anyway, but it was clear something wasn’t right.
The next morning we went to the playground, Kiara kept being clumsy and falling down. I asked to help her, to hold her hand, ”No mom, I got this!” She kept insisting! Once we got home, a slight bump from her sister and she went down and landed head first on concrete! That was it- Jeremiah was at church and I called him and told him we had to take her in…Not happy with the ER experience the previous time, we found a pediatric urgent care- this time I knew I had to go…I knew I had to be hands on- we arrived at the urgent care and the Dr. looked at the notes and told me “this is something neurological” He immediately transferred us to Phoenix Children’s Hospital- he ordered all the scans and tests for Kiara. The wait felt like eternity. It was 11pm, eight hours had passed since we left the house to go to Urgent Care. We were still waiting for cat scan results. Our nurse kept apologizing for the wait of approaching 10 hrs. She assured me, once the results come back we were out of there.When she came back in, she closed the curtain, turned and faced me and she began to weep. Jameson our oldest was texting Jeremiah the words out of her mouth “We found a mass on her brain” Surprisingly, I didn’t cry or break down at this news.… I was stunned, in disbelief even- but immediately I knew God would deliver a miracle, there was no question in my mind. We are blessed that we are surrounded by a community of faithful prayers- they joined us immediately in praying for a miracle.

Being a pastor’s kid I saw a lot of things. Our family went through so much, that even led to my dad to leave ministry. Our family was attacked from every angle you can imagine. The enemy knows if it eliminates the Shepard, the sheep scatter…and scatter we did. The front row seat to pain and attack partially desensitized me to emotionally reacting to trials in life.

I do believe I had an unfair advantage to knowing about Jesus and the bible thanks to my mother she was diligent in teaching us. I can still recall stories and remember worship music playing all the time… but it wasn’t until later in life, broken and lost, where I encountered His grace, mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love. I was ready for God to not only be my Savior but also my Lord of all.
I witnessed the radical and supernatural through movies like Father of Lights, Furious Love, and Finger of God. What I resented about the church we were a part of growing up was people being erased from the church when they most needed it, having it be more about justice than grace (John 1:17), I don’t know if I missed it or I was too young to remember but didn’t know much about things like the prophetic or speaking in tongues. Everything we did revolved around the church. As our church pianist or when leading worship I was more focused on performance & rituals, maybe based on my insecurities, than allowing the Holy Spirit to lead and be free to let go in His presence. My dad was very generous and compassionate. We gave a brand new car away once, the very mattresses we were sleeping on, several times my dad took off his belt or shoes to give away, and it seemed there was always someone living with us that didn’t have a place to stay. Sacrifice, work ethic, obedience & respect was pounded into us. We ate okra and chewed roasted garlic heads, my early introduction to colonoscopies was traumatizing. I was constantly being encouraged to do new things; teaching bible studies, preaching, singing solos, one time I was asked to sing at a baby’s funeral. I think this explains my personality and thick skin. I grew numb to any criticism and just made sure I met my expectations as a pastors daughter. I was given rules but rarely taught- “do this or else this bad thing will happen” Fear was the motivator…..Legalism kills relationship.

Sitting in the ICU, everything was a blur, everything was happening so fast! A golf size tumor in brainstem growing, blocking the passage of fluid to and from the brain and spinal cord, and it was very probable it was cancer. Surgery was done a shunt was placed to relieve the cerebral spinal fluid that had been building up and squishing her brain- thus the cause of headaches. On Tuesday, November 4, 2014, we put the life of our princess into the hands of Dr. Bristol to remove the tumor. 9.5 hrs of surgery, like a scene from a movie- the waiting room dwindled, names came off the board, until it was just us, just our Kiara in surgery. We were strong- and had just finished rejoicing over a devotional that I had just shared with family and church friends and declared it over our daughter. My physical parents were there praying but our spiritual parents were there hugging us.
Our faith was so big that the prayers we were praying was for the tumor to disappear. We believed it wholeheartedly- truthfully we believed with all our hearts the tumor would disappear, then we believed with full faith it wouldn’t be malignant. When Dr Bristol met with us, she informed us it was indeed a cancerous tumor- we felt like we had been punched in the stomach….

That night, we sought wisdom- one of our pastors told us: “She will be healed and it will be through the practical, the devil has been behind your heels for a while, he tried to go after your marriage couldn’t get it, then your finances, couldn’t get that and now he is going after your babies” We believed and held on to those prophetic words. There was a prophetic word Kiara had received that summer about being an author and writing books. We held on to that too.

What was also interesting was the response of our neurosurgeon when I asked her how long the tumor had been there and the cause? The time was impossible to know or tell and the cause “bad luck”. This gave me relief of any lies that we had done something wrong or there could have been something we should have or could have done to prevent it. I was so careful with everything. We had plenty of people offering solutions trying to influence to do what they thought was right to help. In trial, I knew that Gods voice has to be clearer and louder than everyone else’s. There was no confusion. We knew what to do. God had prepared these nurses and doctors for this time. Jeremiah felt the conviction for our family to be a family of gratitude- we went on a mission sowing genuine gratitude into every Doctor, nurse, specialist, environmental service worker, everyone we encountered. We wrote personalized thank you cards, we filled out Daisy awards-We thanked our neurosurgeon for finishing school and for all the sacrifices she had made in her life to be prepared for Kiara’s surgery. We set out to control the environment Kiara was in- no sorrow, no mourning- hope, joy, and faith would be the fragrance of her room and our family.

Getting biopsy results was heart wrenching, 10 days after surgery we received confirmation cancer had metastasized and spread aggressively and significantly to her spine. We refused to hear statistics, but understood she was classified as “High Risk”, decisions had to be made immediately- time was not on our side. Meanwhile she was receiving breathing treatments to help her breath on her own, she was being fed through a feeding tube, she couldn’t eat, talk or move. She couldn’t even give us any face expressions, move her fingers or toes to communicate. Even though she couldn’t respond we spoke life, hope, and her future into existence for her to hear.

After the biopsy and spinal results came back we met with the euro-oncology team to formulate a plan- this was the breaking point. We needed to start treatment within days- the tumor in her spine was growing aggressively. The decisions we were left to make seemed impossible…The posterior fossa complicated treatment- if we started it wouldn’t give her body time to recover, if we chose not to treat we would lose her and if we did her quality of life down the road would be drastically impaired. We couldn’t focus down the road we need to save her life now. This was the practical. We knew we had to go through it.
The long term side effects of radiation treatment for pediatric cancer is nothing a parent wants to hear. Children aren’t fully developed and it can affect so many different things; growth stunt, mental development, cognitive defects are just some of the
few. Chemotherapy is also harsh, it has more instant side effects like: hearing loss, nausea, affects organs and bones, it kills your immune system and you have to protect your child from infections. Sometimes infections or the drugs trying to kill cancer are the cause of death and not the actual cancer. It’s like giving your kids poison, your body fight backs to recover with the help of other drugs and transfusions and right when it starts to recover, not fully, they hit you again, month after month. You body fights hard in the beginning and then it gets weaker and its harder.
Wes Little connected us with the Conti family- a gift from God. They has been down our road, they fought the same fight except they were fighting in memory of their daughter, to help us fight for ours. They started a foundation to help families like us- who didn’t know what to do, what questions to ask, or where to find hope. Anthony came in to the consultation room where Jeremiah and I were still crying- trying to make impossible decisions- and throws a 2 feet high stack of papers and says “this is hard but I need you to buck up, this is what you need to read and these are the questions you need to ask”. We finally had some ammo to fight- Jeremiah barely slept for two days as he read every clinical trial, and every treatment option- We could finally ask the right questions- We sent off her medical records for second opinions. We knew no matter the cost it was up to us to find the best treatment. We would leave no room for regret, we had to do our part. Jeremiah took care of reading all the clinical trials, insurance, getting and resending medical records arranging friend visits and friends packing up our house.

After Jeremiah arrived to the ICU after we discovered the tumor, I went home briefly to grab an extra set of clothes and never turned back, never looked back. We were in a battle. Now I think back and reflect on the story of Gideon in Judges, where God needed a few soldiers who would have urgency to obey. Gideon continued even when he was afraid. God sent confirmations through other’s dreams and Gideon took time to worship before the battle had been won.

God sent friends, who took the call and flew down to pack our house. We didn’t know what was sold or packed. It no longer mattered. I had spent a lot of time decluttering and collecting items to create our dream home so to say it had not been important would be dishonest. Memories of pictures was our only request.

I really didn’t have time to go down the road of what ifs. My husband took over communication and used media as a therapeutic outlet to write, he felt called to share and be transparent about everything. Thousands tuned in and showed support. It was unreal. I know it wasn’t about me but God hadn’t called me to be a part of that yet. I decreased and He increased and used Jeremiah in a mighty way.

After sending out Kiara’s medical records for second opinions she was accepted into a clinical trial at St Jude research hospital in Memphis, Tennessee. We arrived the Sunday before Thanksgiving. After 30 treatments of radiation, sedated for each one, Kiara was still not communicating, her rapunzel hair was getting in the way of a mask the shape of her head that was screwed to a table to help position her head for accuracy. The radiation nurses cut her hair- that same night, Jeremiah cut and shaved Jameson’s and my hair, including his own with hospital scissors and a beard trimmer. Kylie gave us clear instructions not to touch her hair. I don’t blame her. Days were going by with little sign of improvement…our faith was resolute our bodies exhausted.

The research about posterior fossa syndrome is limited, but showed the benefit of earlier treatment to rehabilitate. We ventured to a renown pediatric intensive rehab facility that focused on brain and spinal injuries in Baltimore, MD during our 6 week break. Kiara began progressing at a rapid rate, she was holding her head up, was tasting liquids with thickeners and she’d wake up around 4am with her arm and finger pointing up saying “God”. We had been playing worship music and healing scriptures 24/7. Nurses loved being in our room. In the beginning Jeremiah and I took shifts reading from the bible, declaring psalms 91 over and over again. It was exhausting. God reminded me of Psalm 127 “Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, To sit up late, To eat the bread of sorrows; For so He gives His beloved sleep. Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth.”

The week before we were suppose to finish, Kiara started throwing up in the mornings. Not a good sign. Scar tissue was now blocking the passage of fluid. We were transferred to John Hopkins Hospital. Had we been anywhere else a permanent shunt would have been placed. The risk of a shunt for a cancer patient who already had cancer spread is great- if it wasn’t gone or if it came back we would be pumping cancer cells directly into her stomach. Instead Kiara had a procedure where they make a whole in the scar tissue of the brain to create new passage, the surgery was a success.

We headed back to Memphis for 7 months of chemotherapy. Jeremiah and I had already become daddy and mommy nurses and therapists. We lived at the hospital. We never left her side, we were her advocate, her voice, we knew her better than anyone else. We took our job seriously.

At 3 months she started uttering words and it gradually improved. Our ways of communication consisted of squeezing, smiling, closing eyes, pointing at charts. She had been working up from thickened liquids to soft foods and after 8 months her feeding tube came out. She threw it up and our attempt to place it back into place as we had done before was unsuccessful. There had also been a failed attempt to surgically place a tube closer to her stomach to relieve discomfort in nose and throat. During sedation stomach didn’t expand correctly as they filled her stomach with air. We decided to proceed without either. She was a champ! Staying hydrated, taking medications in pill form and liquid, and eating was now a challenge via mouth. We couldn’t just insert through tube bypassing taste buds that had also drastically changed. We became barf experts and discerners of which medicines needed to be retaken when that happened. We still followed a stricter diet than most throughout but we refused do it out of fear. 10 months later we finally heard the words we wanted to hear. NED = No Evidence of Disease. Cancer free!
She still needed more rehab, we headed back to Baltimore Maryland for 5 more months of treatment and help transition to our “new normal”.

It’s been 23 months now since diagnosis. Her 1 year checkup last week still shows clear scans. Kiara still says, I can do it by myself mom! Her lack of hair still screams for eye stares. Sometimes she notices the disgusted, pitied looks and lack of compassion from people. And we pray daily God still uses us in those situations. She loves to give, love on people and make them laugh. Cancer will not define her. She is still in a wheelchair but she is not handicapped or disabled by it. She still takes longer to communicate, draw and write. Processing emotions is still challenging but she is as keen, witty and funny as her dad. She’s now only on 1 medication, her hearing loss is minor, and her eye surgery in June was a success. There’s a high possibility she’ll have to start taking growth hormones after the results of tests scheduled during our next 3 month checkup in January 2017. I think all of our kids have matured in this process by 10 years at least. We can handicap ourselves or others with our limited thinking and fears. She is not Kiara strong she is God strong. The joy of the Lord is her Strength.

We made a commitment to keep the family together and to allow God to lead us. We spent 457 days away from home, living in a 1 bedroom with all 5 of us. And we were probably only able to prepare 1/4 of the 1,371 meals we mostly ate in hospitals (6,855 meals if u count all of us)
We celebrated 2 anniversaries, 2 thanksgivings, 2 Christmas’s and 2 New Years away from home. And we all celebrated our birthday in the hospital.
Lost track of blood transfusions, platelet transfusions, Scans, MRI’s, pet scans, lumbar punctures, IVs, countless medications, bed baths and central line flushing and cleaning without fail. Kiara will continue to have check ups every 3 months for 1.5 years, then will move up to every 6 months and so forth until she is 25 years.

God provided every need plus more. Our hearts desire is to give, it’s been a humbling season of receiving and being lavished. But it has only increased our passion to being bigger vessels to give back. He protected us from so much! His favor was strong. I can’t possibly tell all the stories and miracles here. This journey has not been easy. Sometimes God turns our faith into trust in baby steps. The times of abundance have been overwhelming and humbling. We fall in love with our provider daily. There were prayer warriors standing in the gap. We weren’t solo, God orchestrated a symphony, an army.

Sometimes serving Jesus looks different. He needs you and I to step up and be His hands and feet. For us, although not the only thing we do, has and still is being His hands and feet for Kiara. Our compassion, honor and respect as been stretched to beautiful people who love, take care of, or adopts a special needs, and/or disabled children.

Our prayer from the very beginning was for God not to allow us to walk out, finish the same. Refine us, unite us, bring spiritual healing to us and ones around us. If I could give back anything we couldn’t take to heaven to have our healthy daughter back, I would.
Perspective changed daily for us, seeing families in worse situations and outcomes. I’m not sure why some get healed and some don’t. We have met beautiful people who have lost their battle to cancer. Some with the same diagnosis Kiara had. Some lost limbs to save their life. Paraplegics, quadriplegics due to car accidents, asthma attacks or abuse. Some paralyzed, woke up and couldn’t move and there was no explanation or known cause. Instant deaths without warning.
We are finite people with frail bodies in a broken world but God has place eternity in our hearts. I’m trusting the Why’s will be answered in heaven. We had to learn to start asking HOW, Lord? How do we share Your story with our story?

What if what you pray for doesn’t get answered? Do we give up? Do we get angry? We had been praying for a friend who was in life support, we prayed for healing. When in Baltimore, we got the news she had passed away in Memphis. My prayers were “Raise her from the dead, God”. We were heartbroken and Kylie prayed for her to be raised from the dead for weeks. Her mom Typed a message after her passing, She is healed. What’s your definition of healing? whats your definition of Heaven? Do you know if you are going to Heaven? Where and what are some of the physical, emotional, spiritual wounds you NEED healing in?
That has not deterred us to stop praying for people. We still believe in the supernatural and suddenly miracles. God put it on our hearts to bring hope in the way of a prophetic ministry night and worship in Memphis. Not everyone accepted the invitation and there was no laying of hands, nor people falling on the floor. It was a sweet appointment and encounter with Jesus ministering to the hearts searching and in need of hope, God encouraged them and gave glimpses of His promises they could hold on to just as we are holding ours.

Prayer is not a discipline, its a relationship. God prepares us through His Word and through prayer. Worship enters us into His presence and sends us out with ammunition. When we surrender ourselves fully, accept His plan, there are waves of peace and spiritual understanding. We don’t have to know details, stay on the line and he will give you glimpses of His promises. Our reward is great but the journey isn’t easy….Be honest and vulnerable with God and pray your heart’s desires.

Sometimes unanswered prayers are really blessings, and may not even see full effect until we are in eternity. “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

If I could have, I would have taken her place, it would make more sense. Seeing your child fighting for their life has to be one of the most difficult things you could ever witness. I envisioned Mary at the feet of the cross watching Jesus die. God entrusted Mary with Jesus, she carried him in her womb, raised him and was now giving him back, He was God’s son first. She had been entrusted. We have been entrusted. What an honor. If we partner with him, our kids will be shaped better by God than anything we could ever do on our own. There are so many different stories of heroes in the bible where parents and guardians played a vital part; Abraham & Isaac Joseph & Jacob, Moses & Amrad/Jochebed, Esther & Mordecai…Be encouraged you play a vital role.

Kiara’s physical healing is still unfolding before our eyes. Where Drs say she will never walk without a cane or run again we turn to our faith, hold on to his promises and trust in his timing. God has the last word and his work will be complete. We are praying for 100 fold restoration on her body mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I love the confirmations God has sent through different peoples’s dreams about Kiara walking an running on her own, just like Gideon. We have also witnessed spiritual healing in our own lives and continue to hear testimonies of others.

Although my parents weren’t perfect they instilled bible principles and morals. I grew up in a church going home. (2 Timothy 1:5)
Most of us have had to forgive our parents for something they did wrong whether they knew or not. By God’s grace, my mom is one of the kindest most loving person’s you’ll ever meet, so much so that I would love to see her really mad sometime, because if she is, you can’t tell. A true Servants heart, worshipper and anointed preacher. My dad is very intellectual and has so so so much knowledge about the bible. His passion is to learn and find remedies to just about any situation. He is now beginning to minister from the heart just as the Father does. Jeremiah is the most compassionate and loving husband and father, it transfers into all leadership streams. He is an anointed communicator, activator, encourager, giver and doesn’t miss an opportunity to speak life to any situation or person. I pray for our kids to be able to forgive my shortcomings and the mistakes I have made. Every little thing you do matters. We can alter and change the legacy we hand down to our kids or grandkids at any time. Whether good or bad, sin or blessing, fears or God’s promises, we are handing those things down to our kids. Start your foundation now if you haven’t already. It’ll be tough to build one during the midst of a storm. Pass down unshakeable Faith, generosity, honor. Knowing who to turn to first and having His traits; showing forgiveness, love and compassion. and being a love experience to every one you meet. Starting with your family, your first ministry. Jeremiah and I knew we would have a firm foundation for our family in Jesus, our Rock – a foundation that our kids can stand on in eternity.
“For He established a testimony in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers, That they should make them known to their children; That the generation to come might know them, The children who would be born, That they may arise and declare them to their children, That they may set their hope in God, And not forget the works of God, But keep His commandments. Psalms 78:5-7

And just when I thought I had passed the patience test…a beautiful mess enters our life…a puppy. The stresses of life can weigh us down. Bills, keeping up with house chores, new responsibilities, life demands…worry can easily steal our joy and peace and makes us forget about the provision thats in front of us. Just like the Israelites did in the wilderness, after being delivered as slaves from Egypt and before entering the promise land. We don’t feel we are in the beginning to this journey, we are somewhere in the middle…the wilderness…that can be the hardest part. Not knowing what to do next, can’t deny the ache still in my heart for Kiara, things that came easy now require a lot of time, her frustration can escalate quickly sometimes. She’s so delicate, gets hurt easy and although she’s tough, her bones, balance and coordination don’t allow her to be as adventurous she once was or even perform any daily tasks on her. It brings about a nostalgia and I have to remind myself to keep a heart of gratitude and to not forget the miracles in front of me. He is not done yet, keep looking forward. “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ” Philippians 1:6

This verse had never resonated with me before and now does…
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I and gently and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls For My yoke is and My burden is Light.” Matthew 11:28-30

“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39

I pray for the supernatural peace and grace of Jesus Christ poured over your life as you seek your heavenly Father, Lord and Savior. I pray for the impossible to move, for you to be a living testimony to His goodness, grace and mercy. May his favor and wisdom be upon you. By his stripes You are healed. Cancer, sickness, you are defeated. I declare and Speak life and healing in every area of your life. In Jesus name Amen.

Keren J. Grindrod
5grindrods@gmail.com
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Kiara videos:
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