I enjoy how Facebook reminds me of memories from the years past, I like to reminisce on status updates, and pictures from different points of my life. I love to see how much my kids have grown, I cringe at some of my posts, and laugh at other ones- appreciating how timeless my sense of humor is..(this is where you nod in agreement). This year is different however…I am not looking forward to the reminders of the beginning of the past year.
I want to be honest, I want to tell you all honestly what I am going through- I am just not sure I can appropriately capture the past year…It is a challenge to feel secure in the emotions that come- I don’t know how to communicate the peaks and valleys that come wave upon wave, sometimes from one moment to the next. How can I be frustrated? Kiara is the one going through the battle…How can I be distraught? Kiara is still fighting and countless others are not…How can I celebrate the small progress when just a year ago these tasks were completed with ease now take fight, determination, and assistance. Our faith is strong, but something I stole from Levi Lusko fits so perfectly…”hurting with hope, still hurts.”
Trials reveal foundations…so often the fingerprints of God are unseen, unacknowledged until you look back in the rearview mirror. So much of this past year applies to what we have walked through. Faith must be tested and tried before it becomes real in your life…
So, thinking about the past year- so many have asked how we came to find out Kiara had a brain tumor…dare I say “The beginnings of Chapter 1”…..
Halloween for Christians…..what a conundrum for so many parents. Can our kids dress up, can they trick or treat, or should we stick to the church harvest party, or better yet turn the porch light off and hide from all the sinners? I laugh as I write these because we have been all over the board on this issue. Ultimately, we have settled on letting the kids dress up. We sometimes trick or treat, we sometimes go to a church function and sometimes both. We aim to get back home to pass out candy- the kids seem to enjoy this the most- seeing all the other kids and celebrating the cool costumes. Keren is amazing- she speaks life and love to every trick or treater and parent, we get backstories on costumes and try to be generous with the candy. She does it with such a genuine heart, it touches people. We are aware of the origins of Halloween, I think, unless the internet has misled me. We also get a Christmas tree, and sometimes eat chocolate bunnies on Easter for those judging at home. Halloween 2014 was the “tipping point” for Kiara getting diagnosed, it is such an important part of our story because in addition to realizing something was severely wrong; we met a family while we were trick or treating with some friends from church. It was a brief introduction, but one that God would use to answer prayers and be a part of our story in the days, weeks, months, and forever to come…..
I’m not sure if this is a start to a book or just a start to organizing my thoughts about the past year…anyway, thanks for reading.